A Christmas Tribute to My Godmother
After a long time, we had a family wedding in Kerala. It was exciting to meet cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews again, but we were pleased to see Aunt Nirmala. Our extended family has been inspired by Aunt Nirmala’s grace, warmth, and strength.
When she walked into the wedding hall, the whole place lit up. Everyone greeted her with warmth, and it was clear how much she was loved. She had travelled a long way, even though my uncle, her husband, wasn’t keeping well. When we met her, it felt like no time had passed. She stood proudly by her granddaughter, the bride, and stayed for the wedding, meeting everyone and sharing her best wishes with a smile.
After a few days on our way to the airport, we stopped by my aunt’s house to visit my uncle. Fortunately, he was feeling better that day, which was a relief for all of us. My aunt carried herself with remarkable grace and energy, moving around actively and tending to everything with her usual poise. She is growing older too. She had the support of my cousin, who was there to help her manage things. We spent about an hour with them, sharing stories and catching up. As we left, a quiet reflection of the visit settled over us leaving a deep impression on our hearts.
This year’s Christmas was full of fun as always. Children in our housing society danced around firecrackers, stepping back quickly as colourful rockets lit the sky. The loud claps and pops filled the air, mixing with smoke and light. While watching the children, I started to think about the older people in the society. Could they enjoy these loud celebrations? Was it too much for them? My thoughts drifted to Aunt Nirmala and my uncle in Kerala. They were elderly too, but they never showed it — at least not until my uncle fell ill. As I reflected, I was taken down memory lane to my childhood.
I have a long extended family with many uncles and aunts but my father’s sister Nirmala is very special to the family. She has been a loving sister to all her brothers. My father and she shared their interests in literature, music and all the important decisions in life. My aunt was a well-known Paediatrician and the first doctor in our house. She was also the first to meet my mother and approve her for my father when he could not make the trip to Kerala due to a sudden assignment.
My aunt Nirmala excelled in every aspect of life; she was punctual, disciplined, and managed her family well. Their meals were scheduled at specific times and happened in the dining area. They would watch television only after finishing their dinner or when they were free. Punctuality was essential in all aspects of their life. On the other hand, my mother was peaceful and took everything as it came. My father constantly tried to instil discipline in us, but we had mixed traits. He disliked our casual way of living and sought to inspire us in various ways. He would write reminders like “Keep Everything Ready for Next Use” in places we saw each day. My mother would do her best, often using poetic quotes and Dohas instead of resorting to direct reprimands.
My father admired his sister even more as he contrasted her perfect nature with our unusual ways of living. He found her inspirational, especially when she went abroad for higher studies after her children were born. She sent us a photograph of herself standing close to Niagara Falls, and during those days, she was seen as a star. Her kids were rosy-cheeked, chubby, and beautiful, while we were skinny and lean.
As time went by, our visits to Kerala became less frequent. Often, the two of us travelled with my mom while the other two stayed with Dad. When my maternal grandmother fell ill, my mom went to be with her for a few days. During that time, she visited my paternal uncles and aunts. When my mother returned home Dad would ask her about everyone, but he was particularly interested in his sister Nirmala and her children. They exchanged letters, and my mother also wrote to her brothers. As our visits became rarer due to increasing responsibilities, we stayed connected through these letters.
My father often advised my mother on nutritional matters and always spoke kindly of his sister. However, when his admiration for her grew excessive, we tended to side with our mother. My father worked in Delhi, and his visits were infrequent. Meanwhile, my mother was gradually falling ill.
When we were teenagers, my mom suddenly left us, leaving a painful void that nothing could fill. My paternal uncle’s wife, our eldest aunt, came with her son, my cousin to console us. My sister had lived with them in her early years. They stayed with us for a few days and it did us wonders. After she left, Aunt Nirmala visited us. By then, we were older and looked forward to her visits. She was adaptable and stayed with us for a few days, engaging in many conversations with my father. Perhaps they were discussing plans for our future, but we sensed that she had a quality of perfectionism that we didn’t quite appreciate, especially after our mother’s absence.
My aunt Nirmala took us shopping, she bought us new clothes and spoke to us warmly. She told me how she had helped my mother while she gave birth to me, she smiled heartily and said, ‘ I am your Godmother’.
That evening we showed off our talents to my aunt, we sang, danced, and discussed various topics. My aunt smiled and appreciated it a lot. My father sighed tiredly and remarked, “I never knew about these things; this is the first time I saw them dance after a long time”
The distance between my aunt, cousins, uncles and us was snowballing as we grew. We accepted life and kept doing our best but life was difficult. My aunt’s sons were excellent in studies and they gained admission to one of the premier institutes for medicine at Pondicherry. My brother pursued medicine at a government institute in Hyd. My sister left her chartered accountant course and worked for the best-nationalised banks. Despite our struggles, we kept fighting our fates.
My elder sister got married and there was a proposal for my second sister. The family had planned to visit my aunt Nirmala’s place
My aunt welcomed the prospective family warmly. Me and my sister travelled to Bangalore where my father was posted, later we made our way to her place in Trivandrum. We did not carry any jewellery being concerned about our safety. My aunt chided us gently in her caring way, saying, “It’s important to bring some jewellery for such occasions.” She generously offered her jewellery to us. Though her comment was lighthearted, it made us miss our mother deeply, as she would have ensured everything was perfectly packed.
In those days, life was challenging for us, and while my father often expressed his admiration for my aunt, we sometimes felt a bit distant from her, given our struggles. Despite these feelings, my aunt’s presence remained a source of strength and connection. She stood by us at every family wedding and greeted us with respect and admiration wherever she went. Her warmth and charm brought the family closer, even as differences arose over time.
At my wedding, my aunt truly stood out. She styled her long hair in a way we had never seen before, letting it flow freely instead of her usual bun. It gave her a youthful elegance, making her seem years younger and filling us with joy and energy. She smiled, spoke to everyone, and supported my father when he needed it, all while bonding with the entire family with her grace and ability to unite us all.
I visited her when my son was a few months old because my dad insisted that she could provide valuable advice on how to care for him. My son was healthy and strong, and she appreciated that I was meeting his needs well.
The next time I met her was a year later when I was advised to undergo a dilation and curettage for a pregnancy. I was in two minds as my son was born after years. My aunt fixed an appointment with a gynaecologist in the hospital she worked for. She made me understand how the medications I had could affect the foetus. She was with me throughout. She sent my husband and my husband’s aunt who were waiting to see me after the procedure to relax and rest at home. My son was looked after by my brother-in-law and his wife that day. My aunt stayed with me and drove me to her house. I admired how she skillfully parked her car in the garage on a steep road. My father wanted my siblings and me to be independent like my aunt, so he enrolled me in a driving course at 19. However, I never took it seriously. After watching my aunt drive, I felt inspired to become independent and learn how to drive. That day, we had lunch together, and I rested until evening. Later, she drove me to my husband’s aunt’s home, where my family waited for me. I recovered quickly. Time flew by; each visit with my aunt was brief, and I found myself trying to catch up on lost time.
Many years later, my sister told me that my aunt Nirmala wanted to get in touch and hoped to speak with me. I was hesitant to talk to her at first because we always viewed her as a strict disciplinarian who often scolded us for various aspects of our lives. However, I ultimately decided to call her.
To my surprise, we had a wonderful conversation this time. It felt genuine, and she talked about things that wouldn’t hurt us. This made me feel more at ease. As I began writing about my family, she sent me photographs and provided a wealth of information.
My aunt has shown remarkable bravery as she has taken care of my uncle and her family with great stoicism. There was a time when she had to rush him to the hospital in the middle of the night due to an emergency. As she grows older, it must be increasingly difficult for her, yet she continues to smile and do her best.
We have all started to learn how to manage the challenges of life, and I am grateful for her courage. She has been an incredible source of strength and support for many of us. A few threads in our family shine as brightly as the one woven by my beloved Aunt Nirmala, who has left an indelible mark in our hearts.
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