An Inclination

Your success is defined by the altitude of your attitude and the magnitude of your aptitude.

The fishmonger pulled a fish and started cleaning its scales with a sharp knife.The noise diverted my notice. There were people surrounding her, perhaps to buy fish. The lady shook the motionless fish as she placed it on a stone and slit the head in one jerk. A quiver quavered me. It aggrieved me, prodding an unknown wound in me, pushing me into the past. I remember the incident vividly.

There were two white  rats almost four inches big lying in chloroform in a glass bottle given by the lab attender.  Me and Suchi tugged them out and placed them on the  solidified wax in the dissection tray. We had procured these from the school through the lab attender.My sister had got married at Alapuzha in Kerala. Her wedding was appreciated by one and all as my father had achieved the feat of  tagging my sister’s life with my brother in law who was posted at Oman then. The appreciation was for the wealth associated. My sister felt it was excellent opportunity to live with us taking care of me and my siblings as my brother in law could visit India every three months on a month’s leave.We all wept when we bid her adieu even though it was just for a month. On reaching back, I rushed to my friend suchitra’s house to know the syllabus covered and the pre board exam schedule. We were in class twelfth and suchi was the closest of all friends. The moment Suchi saw me ,she gave me a bear hug and stridently proclaimed how she missed me. She was open and demonstrative, though  I felt the same, my feelings remained within me. I ostracized my brother in law for having  seized away my sister in the months of  January and February with the Board exams around the corner. Suchi slowly started listing the things I had missed. I came to know that the dissection of a specimen representing class Mammalia had been taught during Biology practicals and since the rats were expensive,no more practice would be given. I asked her whether the dirty black ones were used for dissection. She said they were given the beautiful white ones. She was confident of dissecting and I felt my world turning dark as I had missed the most scoring accomplishment in Biology. I looked at her helplessly . She said that she would think about it . A few days later we met the  lab attender , had a talk and bought two rats for Rs 4 each. She said she would demonstrate it first and then I could understand and dissect the other rat. The rats were brought home. I am Gauda saraswat Brahmin while Suchi is an Iyengar Brahmin and so the question was at whose house. We decided to dissect it under the Guava tree in my house. I saw suchi perform the dissection explaining while feeling each part like our biology teacher, I followed her fearfully and as I ripped the body open to display all the systems ,the digestive and the Urinogenital system . Soon a wave of confidence crept through me. I thanked Suchi as she  had managed to bring me back into the examination mood. We planned a routine and began studying. We were sincere but never knew how to prepare for exam oriented studies. We thought logically and could speak on any topic in the world other than the terrorising effects of Physics. 

On the the day  we had the  final Biology practicals we were given a flower to be dissected and a white rat. There were few other things to be spotted.  I thanked God and of course Suchi silently as we performed the practicals. The bell rang signifying us to submit our papers. The External Examiner stopped ahead at my classmate Manga’s table asking her about her rat. Manga my classmate told the external that she was a Brahmin by caste and in deeds too. She outrightly told the examiner that she could never kill a living organism. The specimens given are unconscious and every one of us kill it while dissecting. The examiners questioned her the reason for taking up Biology and her goal of turning into a doctor. She smiled sheepishly saying she would think about it.

Over the years when we had zoology practicals in our graduation, I detested dissecting frogs or prawns. The frogs were dirty , slippery with an abdomen filled with spawn. We killed animals of each category, we etched our name on the tiny sharks and spilled blood out of the leech’s mouth before dissecting. I wrote the pre medical entrance twice. I was full of remorse on knowing that I hadn’t cleared the medical entrance inspite of the fact that any scene involving blood would startle me and that I never had an aptitude for it. Years later me and Suchi grew into versatile  teachers due to the gift of gab. Luckily dissections have been prohibited to sensitise students. Perhaps one should inspire children to choose a profession where their spirit lies rather than to prefer a profession to raise their admiration in the society.